Sunday, 5 September 2010

Not today...

They said "Look to the Cross" so I did.

But it didn't look the same today.

The Cross hadn't changed

But my eyes were seeing differently.

The Cross gave me no comfort

For today my heart would not be comforted.

An icy cloud of grief has numbed

All my Cross-sensitive emotions;

Yesterday it was the shape of Hope,

Today it is only geometry.

They said, "Read the Bible" so I did.

But the words were dry and empty.

The Bible hadn't changed,

But I was reading it differently.

They said, "You should pray to God" so I did.

But I couldn't find the right words.

Praying hadn't changed,

I supposed that God hadn't changed either,

But how was I to know?

They said, "Talk to a friend" and so I tried,

But on days like this, there are no friends,

Because on days like this

Words of comfort hurt so much

I have to shut them out;

Sympathy is maddening

And kindness just seems cheap.

They said "Well, we can't help you then, can we?"

And they were right.

But beyond Hope or Despair,

Beyond Joy or Anguish there is faith.

Today I can not feel it, or touch it,

Read it or hear it,

But one word reaches out

And draws it in for me - "Today".

This is only today.

Many of my days have resembled today

So I can have faith that tomorrow or perhaps

The day after, or even

The day after that (Who knows the day?)

That which was true yesterday

Will again be felt and seen as true.

God will not disappear because I close my eyes,

Nor will His word lose its power

Because I can not hear the author's voice.

No, today is not a good day.

But there again, I suppose,

Neither was that Friday.

Not a good day, Good Friday.

But then and now there were and will be

Happier tomorrows.

I believe that I believe that.

And perhaps faith is stronger

When all the proof has been dashed away.

And perhaps faith will be stronger...

But not today.

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